poem, old from 2016 untitled

#untitled poem

Hmmm – wrote this in 2016

So doing all this preptober for nano and the difficulty of what I am about to write, I like this one.

So I am going to read it to see what it sounds like.

#untitled

2016, 2021

I wish no one had ever touched me except you

wish that I could take back the places that hurt, heart shreds

a tattered garden we both inhabited

wish that only the stellar blue pools of your eyes were all I’d known

or the calm slow handed holding

sometimes when I look I see you fly away

remote black wings thrashing against the cage

bars of notes fly out, remote, screeching, drunken, screams

we both run our hands over old stone walls

these are separate kingdoms

I peer into you, folding back a thousand veils

wondering how your sweater smells

I can’t see the bitter gall, nor bile

I see only the wetted ferns

moss on rocks after rain, a steaming coming off the lichens

you move around in me like a river rushes

breaks course, screams over the rocks

a watercourse of the heart’s complaints

I see us now as trees

even though they won’t let me speak anymore

even though they shut my voice

against the fascist boot of centuries

I’ll lie down in the water of your eyes

still blue pools of quiet

I’ll say we were fourteen once,

and none of the rest of this ever happened

I’ll say we never knew pain

I’ll watch your footsteps in the snow

knowing that our hearts held hands

~

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One of my poems, #NewspaperPeople #Nanowrimo2021 #Memoir

I posted these poems over at my old Blog, Valentine Bonnaire – these were written on Red Rose Way in 1981, by me as a very young college student at UCSB https://valentinebonnaire.com/2016/09/05/trois-poemes-dune-rose-shattered-1981-where-i-laid-me-down-to-sleep-for-novel/

So now I am going to read one of them and turn it into a podcast.

During the month of November I will be reading the others as well.

Thanks for listening,

much love from

Adrienne

#2

this is the hardest poem I ever had to write

rosa1:july

“you used to give me roses”

you used to give me roses

one perfect rose

like a perfect life

and I looking at that perfect life

I had to tear it apart

expose the center

past each perfect veined petal

past the subtle gradation of

softest color

peach rose white cream magenta scarlet lavendar

or the deepest red which fades to black

when I in my foolishness tried preserving

the moment and the scent

other times you brought a handful

claiming, “these are the last ones in my garden”

but you’ve always had a year round supply

how can I make you cry?

should I tell you I was a rose

when that doctor came in with the smile on his lips

I want to show you the center

of a perfect life the center of the rose

if you’ll let me ramble

past all these tangled petals dropping

like bombs on our conversations

each petal must be a moment

no one ever played he loves me, he loves me not

with a rose except me

you gave me roses

and you gave me one perfect rose once

like a perfect life

and I looking at that perfect life

I had to tear it apart

expose the center

expose my own heart in the process

that rosebud & my heart

so much the same, so much the same in fact

that when he

came into that room with that smile on his lips

and pulled apart the petals to find other petals

and more petals and more

past veined velvet

past each subtle gradation of

softest color

peach rose white cream magenta scarlet lavender

or the deepest red which fades to black

when I in my foolishness tried preserving

my own heart

and all the petals

that I’ve saved all the roses

can’t ever replace that one perfect rose I held for a moment

inside me.

*AUTHOR NOTE

THE INCITING INCIDENT IN THE NOVEL IS ABOUT THIS. SO, 1981 TO 2021

It has taken me this long to be able to write it in first, and today to read what I wrote 40 years ago out loud.