Yarn and memoir

So the fantastic first package of yarn arrived yesterday, bursting with Stylecraft and the Janie Crow colors to make her design for The Fruit Garden CAL. I joined Ravelry a few days ago, am Adrienne101 there. It amazes me that all the designers from around the world that I had been looking at in Youtube are in there. Crocheting sort of saved me during the last two years. I’m not sure how that worked exactly, but it did.

Anyway, it had been years and years and years since I picked up any yarn or thread to do anything. I practiced and practiced by watching videos of all kinds of women and people around the world in all of their different languages.

This morning I thought, wow, you know? I did this instead of writing. But writers do many things if the words aren’t there. They will be again. Walter’s death really was heavy for me at last year’s conference. I learned much from him about writing scenes. It’s not that much different from crochet. So my best friend and I at 13. That is in my memoir. We started off crocheting to escape in those years. We were escaping everything, I expect. You are on such a cusp at 13, you know? So this is a chapter called “Strings” https://valentinebonnaire.com/2010/12/29/strings-from-memoir-whitegirrrl-short-chapter/ that I was working on in 2010 – that whole book needs an edit, ooof. Some of the chapters make me cry they are so hard to look back on.

Anyway, the two of us would go downtown to a place called The Yarn Mart in those years. We would wander through, after school. It’s long gone now. But I love to get lost with yarn and fabrics. It takes me so far back I’m practically in childhood, as in “FUN” so this morning I finished off a little heart by a South African designer called Jen Tyler.

So, one of the boxes of the new yarn arrived, yesterday!

OMG. It puts the Big Box yarn I had to shame. I think this yarn and I are going to be beloved friends.

Check it out!

That’s the little Forget-Me-Not flower from the Fruit Garden CAL. My best friend Pam at 13 grew up loving the Pre-Raphaelites. Funny, this pattern – the colors.

Her grandmother had made her a classic blanket, that was in her room when we were so little. I started one of those blankets where you keep going around and around the square, you know?

Well, who knew that I was going to grow up and attempt something as gorgeous as what Janie Crow has designed. Neither my mother or my grandmother did anything like this. I did hear that my Irish great grandmother used to make lace, but I have never seen it.

Forget me not.


from Adrienne

(who will be back on the writing jag soon enough)

I am so over politics, and this virus.


To begin to even talk about what it is like in the United States right now or in my small beachtown? Well let me get you some links.

It’s going to take me quite some time and I have a great deal to say. I spent 20 years working for the local newspaper before my degree in Depth Psychology, or before I became a published writer under various noms de plume for the web. I really appreciate WordPress in this moment. That’s all I can say. I was a child in Junior High here in Santa Barbara when I read Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle.”

I have done some research, using Wikipedia about a couple of the meat packing plants. So, I also read Animal Farm by Aldous Huxley at that time. The film Lord of the Flies as well.

The Guardian had a piece up today mentioning Sinclair, and I shall go further.

But first I want to talk about my dog, because I want to talk about how much our lives have changed in two months. He had to go to the vet. The vet who has been treating all the animals over a thirty year period. I want to talk about the experience, of the day, and all the thoughts, because, LIFE AS WE HAVE KNOWN IT? HAS CHANGED FOREVER. HOW DO I KNOW WHAT IS IN HIS DOG FOOD NOW THAT I HAVE READ ABOUT SMITHFIELD AND TYSON?

As you read the Wikipedia articles on these corporate giants, you are going to get the same sick feeling that I have, so do it. When you see the depth of the food chain they penetrate? My god you will throw up. I had to get something to eat for May first at the market, and for the dog. Imagine my horror walking through the supermarket. I’m not kidding. Most Californians have had a brush with vegetarianism, or veganism, but, we do love a barbecue now and then.


This is my rescue, Odin, and we wanted to walk the beach. After the vet. He’s going to be fine, just an ear infection and skin stuff. It’s what was about to happen though around getting his prescriptions and the things I saw out and about on the streets.


Someone did this. That’s the first thought, in the black dawn, after the drops of rain. All the countries are following the same pattern of shutdown. My dog is beside me, and all I can think about is how I am going to get him a giant bag of kibbles, and his cans, and where I am going to do that, today.

The thought occurs, they hoarded this too.

We are all in some kind of lost landscape now. It’s the same. It’s just after six, and I think of my grandmother saying, “It is always darkest before the dawn.” She’s right. The light will make it easier, writing makes it easier. I spent the morning looking at headlines. I could look at the maps. Looking at the maps only makes it worse. Why some places and not others?

I think about sewing a mask, maybe two or three. I’m not sure what to wear when I go out now. I have gloves from Thailand I was able to find. Latex gloves from an Import store, the one I found the toilet paper in. It is hard to adjust to being unfree, to having to wear certain things. At the market, people in the blue paper masks. I wonder where they got them.

To the south of me a city sprawls for miles.

To the north it is the same.

They have stripped the stores.

There are hundreds of videos on how to sew masks, from all over the world. In a box there is fabric, I could try. The last two times I went out I wore a muffler, that I could wrap around my face. I don’t understand the idea of all the people who order online. I like to go out and about, say hello to the people I know in places. It’s this terrible feeling of missing them, just people who own restaurants, people working. The stores are closed. There is the worry of how any of this will ever be able to come back after a few months. How things will look after that.

There are theories. https://www.vox.com/2020/3/4/21156607/how-did-the-coronavirus-get-started-china-wuhan-lab

There are a million questions. Someone knows the answer.

Dawn has broken over the city. I can still hear the owls and the birds. There is the matter of facing the day, facing the speeches, trying to eat. Trying to think of anything that can make this seem normal. At the store there were flowers. They were all on sale, and they are joy. The wildflowers are up. Maybe it is the smallest things, that can feed the soul in so much silence. The very smallest things.

I planted Sweet Peas.

I can work in the garden. I can try and breathe, through the fear. There are youtubes of others and how they are coping. I can make bread. For now I can make some bread.

I feel sad about Facebook, not being able to see my friends. I think right now I am socially isolating even from that, as there is not a way to speak about what we are all going through.

Coronavirus Diaries

Without one doubt this is the most terrible thing we have ever gone through as human beings on this planet.

I’m in California, and I’m scared, just like everyone is very scared right now. So, how I handled that, was to look at news ledes from around the world.

The way they are disseminating information about this thing, and what is going to happen next is beyond most of us. Beyond comprehension. So I am clear on the concept of “flattening the curve” and I am doing that.

How I am coping is to watch what the President says, DAILY, and then I want to see what our Governor says, DAILY, because, well, I am a Californian. I can get local news on TV but, looking at news all over the world is much faster, and so, as I make these diaries, it’s like leaving a trail of what is happening. I put those things in FB so my friends overseas could see how America was handling things, and FB didn’t like that.

The first sign was the hoarding. I have never seen shelves emptied in markets in my lifetime. I did. There are no masks to be found, and no sanitizers either. Sold and gone. But then, to visit other sites around the world and see that this was reality for them as well? My god. So the global supply chain. They aren’t talking about it, but how many of those products are actually even made here anymore? Maybe they aren’t.

So we are supposed to flatten the curve by staying inside, and only going out for things like necessities. It’s so strange, in the silence. I see very few people out, and I felt like I wanted to drive around and see what things were looking like. Some people in the little market I found some toilet paper in were wearing masks and gloves. It was comforting to see the signs “two packs only” to the customer in there. I only took one. I think what is most frightening is that, the panic scares me the most. What people might do. This is the news this morning from the BBC https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKW7l-u0OKA

Listening to President Trump speak this morning, off NBC, the actual Press Pool. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhNOuDYKkzM

“Surface Contamination” – this is a new term. BBC had been reporting on that the other day. I think this is the panic deal, because the virus not only lives in the air for three hours, but it lives on surfaces like plastic and cardboard. This is so frightening it is impossible to comprehend? Because what will this mean for the supply chain?

Listening to what is going on in Canada https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gylWNsZDhF0

The border it seemed from the headlines is going to close except for necessary supply chain things going back and forth.

Politico has a tracker up, here https://www.politico.com/interactives/2020/coronavirus-testing-by-state-chart-of-new-cases/?covid_m

It’s very scary to look at the numbers, especially the ones in the state of Georgia.

Keeping all in my thoughts, and prayers. None of us can fathom how this thing could have started and hurt so many all around the world. It’s just horror.

It looks as if our Governor has put the national Guard on alert for California, https://www.fox5ny.com/news/california-preparing-for-worst-case-scenarios

The whole thing is so scary, it’s hard to even breathe. I still can. The point is not to panic. It’s hard staying in, and not going out for anything, but I am trying to, especailly for the flatten the curve part, there are two cases in my county, but I think we might se more of those as the weeks roll on.

I’m going to try and pass the time by gardening.

Things can go on hold, just try and be quiet, there are still airplanes in the air overhead? I had thought they closed them down. There was one this morning and another just now that sounded like a jet.